10 Things You Should Always Do For Your Best Friend

School is back in session and it has been a great reminder of the wonderful people I have in my life. It got me thinking that there are so many things, big and small, that we do for our friends everyday.

Then there are things you do for your best friend that if anyone else asked you to do or expected you to do, it would be heinous and you would drop their friendship right there and then.

Here is my list of 10 super important things you should always do for you best friend.

10. Loan them your pillow.

If anyone asked you to borrow your pillow you would probably cringe and say "Ummmmmm how about no" because you don't really want their cooties. But when your best friend asks, you will run half way across campus clutching your pillow screaming "I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU" as if it is the most important task in the world. Because it is. They deserve that pillow.

9. Present Them Awards.

Now, you may not have the power to award an Oscar or a Grammy (and if you do, you better work it). But everyone deserves random awards. And as best friend, it's your job to present them. Maybe it's an award for "Most Likely to Fall Down the Stairs in Front of Your Crush"or maybe it's a "Lifetime Achievement Award in the Category of Bad-Assery" (both are copyrighted, by the way). It's important to remind them that they are the most important person in your life and that you want them to feel special.

8. Always Get Fast Food With Them.

It doesn't matter if you just ate or that you've had McDonald's 4 times this week already. They ask to go get fast food, you go. They probably need to talk about someone or something super important and need your opinion or just your ears for awhile, but they also want to eat that greasy, feel-good food. They called you for a reason. And hey, you are going to get some fries out of it too! (P.S. When your best friend asks you to get fast food, it's a no calorie meal, for both of you).

7. Always Watch Their Favorite Movies or TV Shows with Them When They Ask.

If you don't like Avatar, too bad. You've already seen every episode of Bob's Burgers? Oh well, you can watch it again. TV shows and movies hold great sentimental value to people. So if your best friend is craving watching A Walk To Remember, it means something to them. So you watch it. You share a bowl of popcorn (and tissues if necessary) and you have that moment together. It means way more to them then you know when you sit down, enjoy it and don't make a fuss about "another movie that you just hate".

6. Do Background Work on Potential Boyfriends.

This is essentially casually stalking, but legally? Any public forum that they have, you read up on. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin. All of them. You find them and make sure that they are acceptable matches for your best friend. Make sure that your friend is prettier than his/her ex. Make sure they aren't stupid. Make sure they are decent human beings. If it calls for it, casually stroll by their dorm and make sure they aren't pigs. Make sure they are a decent height for your best friend. But most of all, make sure they make your friend happy. If they do, even if you don't like them, shut your mouth until the time calls for you to open it.

5. Celebrate all of Their Victories.

They got out of bed? Celebrate. Perfect Exam Score? Celebrate. Get into Grad School? Celebrate. Transferring because it is what they need to do to be happy? Celebrate. Your friendship is important enough to celebrate. So celebrate everything.

4. Offer to Beat Up Their Exes.

If they are bigger then you, scarier then you, even if you know you can't reasonably take them, offer. It's what counts. Even if it means mentally beating the crap out of them, or playing a super strong social game around them, it is your duty to make sure that you take care of the exes. There is always a way to "accidentally" spill a beer on them, or "accidentally" whack them with your backpack. You got this.

3. Stay Awake with Them When it's Important.

If they knock on your door at 3:00 am and you just got in bed, you best believe it is your duty to stay awake with them, no matter what. They came to your room for a reason. You obviously mean something to them if they came to you out of everyone else on campus. Stay awake and laugh or cry or hate on people with them.Those are going to be the moments that you cherish the most.

2. Tell Them the Truth.

They most likely want to hear it, and if they don't, they know you are telling them with good intentions. You don't have to be rude, but you can tell them to calm down about a boy/girl. You can tell them they are reading into the Instagram post too much. You can tell them that their zipper is down or that their outfit doesn't match. Coming from anyone else, it may hurt their feelings, but they can always count on you to keep it real. On the same note, if anyone says something to your best friend (true or not) that is out of line, you have permission to curse them out and walk away.

1. Tell Them You Love Them.

Everyone needs to hear it, but you become family with best friend. It's important to make sure that they know how you feel. You can be mad and fight and you can even not talk to each other for a couple of days. You could be miles apart or you could be roommates. You could see them for 5 minutes or for 5 hours. No matter what, you have to let them know you love them. Without them you don't feel whole. They are your best friend; that is a bond that doesn't come often, so don't take advantage of it.

Share this with the people this list would apply too, I think it will make their day.

Still Searching: What Women Owe Men

Last night I was out with my friends at a local bar. It was karaoke night and we were having a beer and enjoying ourselves. One of my female friends was approached by a young man (a stranger), also having a good time and celebrating his birthday (as he told us when he sang). He engaged her in conversation and it was awkward right off the bat, but she made eyes at my friend and me, so we dragged her to the bar "to get another drink". She said goodbye and the man said "But wait it's my birthday."

Oh. I'm sorry.It's your birthday. That changes everything.

Because it's your birthday, she should stop hanging out with her friends and devote all her attention to you.

Because it's your birthday, she should let you dictate how the night is going to go.

Because it's your birthday, she should treat you like the king that you are.

Because it's your birthday, she should dedicate the night to making you happy.

Because it's your birthday, if you were to lean in for a kiss, she should let it happen.

Because it's your birthday, and the kiss turns into a hand here and hand there, she should just let it happen.

Because it's your birthday, if you asked her to go to the bathroom with you or home with you, she should say yes even though if it were any other night she would say no.

Because it's your birthday and you want to have sex, she should say yes because she owes you a birthday present anyway.

...How about no. This is how the situation should have gone:

Last night I was out with my friends at a local bar. It was karaoke night and we were having a beer and enjoying ourselves. One of my female friends was approached by a young man (a stranger), also having a good time and celebrating his birthday (as he told us when he sang). He engaged her in conversation and it was awkward right off the bat, but she made eyes at my friend and me, so we dragged her to the bar "to get another drink". She said goodbye and the man said "Goodbye, have a good night".

Because it's your birthday, she should do nothing. She should not have to stop her night because you want her too.

Because it's your birthday, she owes you nothing.

She owes you nothing. Ever.

Women owe men nothing. Ever.

Still Searching: What is Anxiety?

NOTE: Anxiety is different for each person who struggles with it. There are many different forms of anxiety and different ways to deal with it. This is how my anxiety has affected my life.

For those of you who know me, you know that anxiety is a huge part of my life, and has been for a very long time. I try my best to not let it define me and I try my best to keep it under control. The hardest part is having to explain what anxiety is, because I don't even really know myself. The dictionary defines anxiety as "a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome". While this definition starts to get at the very base, it barely scratches the surface.

The National Institute of Mental Health defines Generalized Anxiety Disorder as "All of us worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) are extremely worried about these and many other things, even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. They are very anxious about just getting through the day. They think things will always go badly. At times, worrying keeps people with GAD from doing everyday tasks."

This gets to it a little more, but still doesn't quite get there. I was talking to my mom about this over break and she asked me to define it. She said that she sees my posts of "lists of things that you should know about anxiety" or ones similar but she still doesn't understand what anxiety is. So here is a layman's list of what anxiety is to me.

Anxiety Is:

Not being able to get the mail after dark because of an irrational fear that something will pop out of the mailbox.

Not being able to make a decision because you are worried about how the outcome will affect you and others.

Sleeping with your wallet, cell phone, camera and anything else you find valuable just in case someone breaks in to your house in the middle of the night.

Checking to make sure no one is in the shower every time you go into the bathroom because it's happened in the movies one too many times.

Same goes for checking the back seat of your car before you drive, especially if you've been parked outside.

You can't get lost. It is literally the worst thing that could happen.

You refuse to go a way you are unfamiliar with because you don't want to get lost.

In fact, traveling at all is a problem. It means no sleep and tenseness because all you can think about is the many ways you could potentially die on your trip.

Getting a call from an unfamiliar number from your hometown is frightening because the only thing that pops to mind is that someone died or is really injured.

Dentist and other doctor's appointments are one of your own personal circles of hell because the news they could potentially give you is terrifying.

Minor OCD about things like clothes, dishes, cards, etc. And when things aren't in order, something is wrong.

Being late is not an option. People waiting for you makes you feel horrible.

Group projects are out because anything you do could affect another person's grade.

Or you end up taking control because if any little one thing goes wrong it's your fault.

You still blame yourself for that failed friendship 10 years ago.

In fact, while you lay awake at night, you recount every conversation you had with that person and painfully detail where it could have gone wrong...what you said or didn't say or did or felt or looked like, but no matter what, you feel like it was your fault.

Keeping friends for you is hard because you distance yourself from everyone because you are paranoid that they are going to get tired of you and annoyed with you.

And every night you lay awake in bed and recount every conversation you had that day and how you could have royal messed everything up with what you said or didn't say or did or felt or looked like. Even (especially) when nothing is wrong.

Texting is an art for you. Because if someone doesn't text you back right away, they are mad at you.

No matter what someone says, you are going to find deeper meaning and feel like they are mad at you or hate you or that you did something wrong.

Someone is upset or angry and you most likely feel responsible even if you have nothing to do with it.

Any time anything goes wrong that you are remotely involved in, you are definitely going to blame yourself, even if you had no control over the situation.

Idle time is your worst enemy because it lets you sit and think about everything you have ever done wrong (and I wish I was exaggerating).

Seeing the bright side in any situation is extremely difficult. No matter what, you always feel bad about how you've done on something or how a presentation went, even if it went fine. You are always the first to critique yourself.

School is a challenge. You probably get called a grade grubber or teachers pet because sometimes you feel that all you have are your grades. It's something you have control over and a direct reflection on yourself. When you get a B+, while most people are ecstatic, you are probably kicking yourself for not doing better.

Or you completely shut down and school falls to the wayside.

The idea that someone has subtweeted or subposted about you on any form of social media is a nightmare. Even if it's not about you, you probably feel like its about you.

You can't talk about death because suddenly your brain is filled with the infinite amount of ways you could die in that very moment.

Not everyone understands anxiety. But when you find someone who does, it's like a life preserver thrown out to you. You hold on and hold on because you know not everyone is like that.

People call it jealousy, but it's more like paranoia. You often think you'll be cheated on or that your friends will leave for other people because you aren't good enough anymore.

Love is hard. You constantly feel like you are not good enough (in many ways) and that the person you love feels the same way. You cling easily but trust and open up extremely slowly. You want to show them you love them, but the slightest dip in their voice or them not answering a question makes you feel like you've completely ruined the relationship.

Depression often comes along with it because of the self-loathing and paranoid feelings.

You constantly try to hide it because there are people who don't believe anxiety is real, or that everyone has it, or that you just have to deal with it better. Or that people will get scared by it and leave you. You don't want a lot of people to know because you don't want to be judged by it.
And so so much more.

And all of this leads you to self-combust. Every little thing pulls the same weight. It's self-destructive. People can tell you not to sweat the little things, and then you sweat more. People tell you it's irrational, and you know it's irrational but there is nothing you can do about it. But you try to smile and you try to explain and you try to only have panic attacks when there aren't others around because you still don't want to be a burden to those around you, because what if that makes you not good enough for them anymore?

Still Searching: Yes, I have Privilege. Let's do something with it.

The Oscar nominations came out today and I find myself in a puddle of emotions. And it makes me stare my privilege in the face.

Let's look at the snubs: most are women, women of color, or people of color in general. So basically, if you are a white male, you would be all set. And that is exactly what I am.

There is not a single woman nominated for direction, original or adapted screenplay, cinematography, original score, visual effects, or sound mixing. There isn't a single actor or actress of color nominated.

So, what I can do about it.

I can talk about it. Silence is not an option. I am in a field where representation is very one sided. The theatre and film industry has a severe lack of women represented, in roles written for them, directors, writers, etc. How many women playwrights can you name off the top of your head (and no cheating)? Tony winners for direction or writing? Best director Oscar winners that are women? How many great female parts are often turned into drag roles? Add "women of color" to those questions and try again. Before I took a class on women in the theatre, I could name maybe two female directors and two or three female playwrights. Which is sad, considering that I am a senior in college, studying theatre and have taken two theatre history classes plus NUMEROUS other classes that require reading many a play.  Kate Powers, a wonderful director, professor and human being, taught me that it is important to talk about it. We are simply furthering the problem if we stay silent.

I can do my best to change the problem. If I am in a place to do it, I can hire women directors and I can produce plays written by women. Have you ever heard of the play Water by the Spoonful by Quiara Alegria Hudes? I hadn't before taking Powers' class, but it's a beautiful play that deals with a lot of huge topics (i.e. addiction and PTSD). It won a Pulitzer in 2012. Yet, it is hardly produced. Hades is not a well recognized playwright even though she wrote the book for In the Heights.These are things, as a theatre artist, that I can change.

I know that I have a massive amount of privilege just from being white and from being male. I can't and won't ever deny that. But, I can try to change the representation in the theatre and film world if given the chance. I can speak up about it. I can make people aware because awareness can help breakdown barriers if people are willing to work at it.

EDIT:
Though, we should celebrate Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, who is the first Mexican born director nominated for a best director Academy Award.

Still Searching

Hello! I'm coming back to the blog world, and going to actively try to post about my life and what I am up too. I titled my blog "Still Searching" because there are many things I am still searching for; I'm searching for myself, for a greater purpose, for love, for pleasure, for reassurance, and for many other things. I intend to blog about my journey in my search for these things; the ups, the downs, the in-betweens. That is not to say I expect to find any of this, but I know I will make progress. I also intend to show you the things I love and love to do. Thanks for tagging along.

Much Love.