Get Over it....A Poem About Anxiety

So as you guys know, I tend to talk about anxiety a lot because it is something that is very important to me.

The other day I was having a panic attack and someone said to me "Oh get over it, it's just anxiety" which only made it worse.  I didn't really know how to respond to it, so I started writing and writing and ended up writing this poem to explain how I was feeling in that moment.

It's called "Get Over It".

A reminder that all people handle anxiety differently and each case is unique, but this has been my experience with it. For a long time it was something I didn't want to talk about, but now I feel like I have to talk about it if I want people to understand.

Here are some of my tips for handling anxiety.

1. Always ask what the person needs. Never assume they want to be held or want water or whatever the case may be. You should be cautious to what they need.

2. Remember being anxious is different than anxiety. Often feeling anxious is manageable while having anxiety becomes reckless and uncontrollable.

3. Yes it isn't logical and yes I know that so you telling me that isn't helping. I get it. I should be able to calm down, but I can't and I don't need you to remind me of it.

4. Please don't refer to it as "just anxiety". That makes me feel super conscious that I am ruining something or being a burden, only making my anxiety worse.

5. Please don't point it out to everyone around you. I really don'y want a ton of people around and already am embarrassed if I'm in public.

6. "You'll be fine" , "Calm Down" "Shhh" and baby talk are not helping the situation.

7. Please try not to say I understand because even with other people who have anxiety, every situation is unique.

8. Just be as comforting as possible and try to do whatever you can.

9. Never make yourself uncomfortable. If you can't handle it in that moment or in that situation, that's okay. Self-protection is important!

10. Let's talk the next day. Check in, see how I'm doing, try to find out what happened, but if I don't want to talk, please try not to push. It goes from helpful to harmful.

Those seem very particular and they are. Those are just tips for if you see me having anxiety, but once again every situation is different.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and talk about anxiety. It's important.

And Then I Stopped Talking About It: My Privilege Kept Me Quiet

Many of us have been shaken by the video that emerged from the pool party in McKinney, Texas this weekend. If you haven't seen it, here is the link, but fair warning, it's pretty graphic (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpWP8aMcOo8).

While I could go on and on talking about the many problems in this video, I really want to focus on something a little different. Privilege. This has gotten me staring in the eyes of my privilege, questioning how I can use it to make a difference.

Like most young adults, social media is a major part of my life. When I first saw this video on Sunday night, I immediately shared in on my Facebook and tweeted that I was horrified.

And then I stopped talking about it.

All of Monday, I worked. I worked on spreadsheets, I bar tended, I watch the US vs. Australia women's soccer game, I watched the Blackhawks play the Lightning, and all throughout this, I was active on social media. Here are just some the posts I made:

I sent the following link to a friend:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/stephaniemcneal/rugby-war-goddess#.otzzWNNMm2

Thing I worried about:

-the Pad Thai I wanted for lunch, 

-whether or not I would get wet when I walked outside and if it would ruin my computer.

-someone not texting me back. 

-baby pandas not making it to the tree in a youtube video

-who would win a hockey game. 

Here is what I didn't worry about:

-Getting thrown to the ground and being held down by a man twice my size

-Walking through Target and getting followed

-Seeing a cop and feeling like I've done something wrong just for being there

-Being in the wrong place at the wrong time, even if I was invited there 

So why didn't I worry about these things? It's simple, really.

I didn't have to. 

I don't have to. I will never understand what it's like to feel those things or to worry about those things because of the color of my skin. There may be instances in my life where I'm put into one of these situations, yes, but it is not an every day fear I have. And if I ever do find myself in a position like this, it will never be because of the color of my skin.

If I was there, at that pool party, I would have been treated like the white teen filming the whole incident. The one who was also clearly ignoring police instructions to stay on the other side of the road, yet was allowed to roam free and video tape. Never once was he touched, forced to the ground or handcuffed. Never once was he questioned by, or used to make an example by that officer. 

So what can I do about it? I'm not sure. I know I can recognize it and that is the first step. But it's using that privilege to do something that matters. 

Instead of making the obligatory post with the video and my outrage at the situation and a single tweet about how horrified I was, I should have kept talking about it.

Instead of tweeting about how much anxiety read receipts give me, I should have tweeted about how much anxiety Dejerria Becton had and would continue to have.

Instead of tweeting about not being able to sleep I should have tweeted about the nightmares these teenagers who had a gun pulled on them would have for the rest of their lives.

Instead of links about women's rugby I should have shared the links talking about how race was a major player in this incident. 

Instead of staying silent, I should have kept talking.